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What Mom Doesn’t Want For Mother’s Day May 11, 2013

I know, ok, I get it. I’m guilty of last-minute shopping. It’s not an accident that someone coined the phrase “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody gonna be happy.” Someone went through some stuff to come up with that phrase, let me tell you.

I’m in a giving kind of mood today, so I decided to help you. Here are some things that you should never, under any circumstances, ever get your Mom for Mother’s Day.

* Another hand painted ceramic piece of pottery. I mean it was cute the first time, and if you have grandkids we might give you a pass on this until they’re like five. Seriously, we have enough of those things to fill up an entire cabinet in our kitchen, and we’re running out of room in our kitchen, which makes us really cranky.

* Anything with “World’s Best Mom” on it. We already know we’re the best. Actions speak louder than words. Do a load of laundry, fold it, and put it away if you really want to yank on our heartstrings.

* Another gift set of soap or lotion. Think of the last time your mom took a bubble bath. Case closed.

* Made up coupons. Like the ones that say “1 free car wash” or “1 breakfast in bed.” We can drive through a car wash if we need to. Breakfast in bed? So we can clean up the dishes after you make a mess?

* Cleaning supplies. Even the fancy “green” stuff. All that makes us think about is housework, which we despise.

* An apron. For what exactly? So we can make you dinner?

* A memory charm bracelet. We’ll wear it once, and you’ll never see it again. Remember?

* A planter. Really?

* Any type of kitchen appliance, unless we specifically ask for it, just don’t.

* A scale. Unless you want to die.

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