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Keeping Your Word – Even On Social Media March 26, 2013

Mr. D is a meteorologist, bet you didn’t know that. Yes, he is an engineer, but his degree from Purdue is in Atmospheric Science.  Sounds fancy doesn’t it? When all of the news stations were predicting major snowfall over the weekend I rolled my eyes. When Channel 8 broke in during the NCAA tournament games on Friday I sighed loudly. On Saturday I couldn’t take anymore of the snow nonsense, I took to my Facebook page and posted this:

“Everbody is talking about all this snow we’re suppose to get. No offense to the weather people, but they’re never right. So if there is above 5 inches of snow at my house on the ground Monday I’m taking a picture of me laying in it in my bathing suit.”
I glanced over at Mr. D who happened to be sitting next to me when I wrote it. He looked at me and said “are you sure you want to post that?” I looked at him coyly and said “duh.” He said “I don’t know if you want to do that” I said “why, they’re always wrong, you know we’re not going to get that much snow.” Looking outside at the sun he shook his head as I pressed post. I got a few comments and likes, nothing unusual.
Things started to heat up about seven o’clock  Sunday when one of my friends asked if I was getting nervous. At that point I really wasn’t, it was snowing but nothing alarming, certainly nothing to make me think I was going to have to put my bathing suit on. My son’s school cancelled class for Monday, no big deal, they cancel for anything these days.
This morning when Mr. D told me he was going to shovel the driveway and go into work I thought nothing of it, he likes a shoveled driveway, so I went back to sleep. When I woke up I didn’t even look outside. I instinctively grabbed my phone to check out Twitter and Facebook. Lying in bed I noticed that my Facebook page looked like it had some activity so I went there first. I immediately sat straight up in bed when I started to read the posts. “6.5 inches Steph, bring it on!!” “Yup, we are waiting for that photo you promised.” “So..what about that picture?” “If you wimp out you will never live it down. Just Do It! “Peer pressure – Do It!” 
I thought, is this happening? I thought quickly, ran through some scenarios, then I stopped. I got up, grabbed the bathing suit I had on last week in Cancun (where it was sunny and 80 degrees everyday) and put it on. I looked at my hair in the mirror and thought, I’m going to need a hat to cover up this messy hair. What a joke.
I posted to my Facebook page “I’m not wimping out – jeez you people! Kameron (my son) will have to take it (the picture) it may traumatize him for life!”
I knew there was no explaining this to Kameron, I mean what do you say? So I yelled for him to come downstairs, I needed him to “do something for me.” He came downstairs and saw me looking outside in my bathing suit and said “MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I laughed and said “I need you to take my picture outside in a minute.” He looked panicked and said “why?” I looked at him and said “because I made a bet, and I lost, so I need you to take a picture of me laying in the snow.” He said “who did you bet, betting is stupid.” I said “sometimes it is, but when you say you’re going to do something you better do it. People will remember if you said you were going to do something and didn’t do it.”
So I did it.
The funny thing is while I was sitting in the snow I thought Kam’s not going to forget this. The time he took his crazy mother’s picture in the snow because she lost a bet. Someone actually mentioned to me that he would never forget it. It might be one of those stories he tells a friend or maybe even his kids about me and I’ll laugh and say he’s full of it. I hope he does remember it, mostly I hope he remembers what I said about keeping your word. It’s an important thing, something I’ve always believed is extremely important. Life isn’t any different than business. If you talk the talk you better be able to walk the walk. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. A client may or may not forgive, but they won’t forget.
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Was it cold? Yes. Did it kinda stink? Yes. The reaction and comments I got on Facebook made it priceless, and I missed the mail lady by two minutes, can you imagine? Good lord.
Tonight I asked Mr. D if he was surprised I actually took the pictures. He said “no.” When I asked why, he said “it wouldn’t be you style not to.” He’s right.
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Ashley March 8, 2013

My relationship with my sister Ashley has always been different. I’m thirteen years older than her. By the time she was six years old I was out of the house starting my crazy life, she doesn’t remember us ever living together.

ME AND ASH (2)

There was a little while when we were somewhat close. Before I got divorced from Kameron’s dad and before she started playing softball in high school. After the divorce and softball started our lives just went in different directions. Being thirteen years apart didn’t help. She was doing high school things, I was doing more grown up things – like working 50 hours a week – paying house payments – fun stuff grownups get to do.

One thing we do have in common was my son Kameron. She loves him and he loves his Aunt Ashley. She is his godmother, his confirmation sponsor, acting supporter, WWE update listener, sushi eating buddy, along with many other things.

Another thing we have in common was love for our Dad. There is no question that my sisters and I almost competed for our Dad’s affection. What I think the three of us all came to realize and accept is that he loved all of us very much, but had very different relationships with us individually. There is no question though when my Dad died it drew a line in the sand between the three daughters he left behind. None of us realized how my Dad kept the peace in the family until he was no longer there to do it. Devastation sometimes can bring people together, in my case it drove me further and further away from my family. What was already a different relationship between Ashley and I became strained, and then nonexistent.

All of my relationships changed after my Dad died. It wasn’t just with Ashley. I was lost, so lost that at times I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it back.

Since I have made it back something unexpected and nice, very nice, has happened.

Ashley has been very supportive of me not drinking. If you would have told me she would be one of my biggest supporters I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have believed that. We also are big fans of The Bachelor. Ashley has come over to my house and we’ve watched a few episodes together. Next Monday (3/11) when Mr. D and Kam will be at the WWE Event, Ashley and I have our own little Bachelor Finale party planned. We’re going to cook a big dinner, talk at the t.v., and bask in all the drama that The Bachelor provides. I think we should bet too..I’ll have to come up with something. Not like bet on who he chooses, but bet on how many times everyone says “amazing” – an over /under thing on that might be cool.

It’s fun to have my sister to talk to and hang out with, who knew right?!?

I would just really like to say thanks Ash for being supportive, and watching The Bachelor smut with me. It means a lot to me!

I love you!

Ash & me

 

120 Days….. March 4, 2013

Have you seen the movie Argo? From the outside, watching trailers and such, it’s typically not my kind of movie. With all the awards it won and all they hype around it I decided to watch it tonight with Mr. D.

I’m so glad I did.

It’s based on a true story, so no spoilers here. We all know how it turned out. In 1979 the American embassy in Iran was invaded by revolutionaries and several Americans were taken hostage. Six managed to escape and hid out in the Canadian Ambassador’s house. Time was ticking away and the CIA decided it was time to get them out of there. That’s where Ben Affleck comes in as Tony Mendez. He devises a ruse based on complete bullshit to get the six out of there, and it works! I won’t give away the whole movie, but I highly recommend it if you need your faith in “nothing is impossible” restored.

Which brings me here. I realized tonight that tomorrow March 4th I will be 120 days sober.  Now, you might be asking yourself, what the hell does that have to do with the movie Argo? Bear with me, this post does have a chance.

When the embassy gets taken over by the revolutionaries the six people that escaped were just doing what they normally did everyday. The got up, went to work, and the shit hit the fan. Not unlike what happened to me. The shit hit the fan for me in November. Like me they escaped imprisonment (mine was self imposed,) even death, and found a safe place to hang out for 66 days. They were scared, tired, paranoid, mistrusting not only amongst the people that were trying to help them, but to themselves. I dropped off the grid basically for 60 Days during that time I was scared. I was worried about what people might think if I just told the truth.

While the six people are in hiding the CIA is wondering what the hell to do. They bring in Ben Affleck and after going over idea after idea of what might work, or what they could do to make this situation better Affleck comes up with the crazy idea to produce a nonexistent movie to get them home. He gets a couple of big wigs in Hollywood to back him, passports, new identifications for these people flies over to Iran pitches it to them and they say they’re not going to do it. Kinda like when I told my doctor I was going to “just stop drinking” and he said “do you know how many people say that to me and they end up right back here with me in six months?”

When the six resign themselves to the fact that they really don’t have any other choice than to trust Affleck they decide to go along with his plan. Then it gets hard, really hard. He gives them their new lives, their bios that Hollywood has decided will get them out of hell and back home. They have to become a stranger to themselves and everyone around them. Even to their spouses (there were two couples.) They can’t be who they are because who they are doesn’t get them out alive. By the way, they have to memorize their new lives and be able to believe it enough to blindside an Iranian interrogator (if needed) in two days. I had to reinvent myself. I didn’t know who I was going to be or if I would like who I really was once I (whoever the hell that is) came back. The idea of putting myself out there to other people when I forgot who Stephanie is without her liquid courage, scary.

After Affleck pitches the idea and the six buy into it. They start working tirelessly to become their new identity. When they’re ready to go, when it’s crunch time, the CIA pulls the plug. They tell Affleck not to go forward with the operation, they’re going to send in some Delta Force to get them and for him to come back. Taking the least risk, the easy way out. Trust me, it would have been a lot easier for me to make excuses and start drinking again. Affleck stays up all night, calls the guy at the CIA and tell him he’s going through with the operation and hangs up on him. The moment he decided he was going to go through with his plan, that for him there was no turning back, was a huge moment.

When I decided I wasn’t turning back was a huge moment for me. I wish I could tell you it was that moment with the doctor was when I decided I wasn’t going back, but it wasn’t. It was when I started feeling better, that is when I really had to decide. When you feel good it gives you the illusion that nothing is wrong and you start lying to yourself. You can start making excuses, it’s really easy, trust me. One drink can turn into five, I’m done living that lie.

The really weird thing is I have a crazy amount of will power. I wish I could give someone who needs a little will power just a bit of mine because it’s crazy. When I say I’m done with something, I’m done. I mean that’s it – period. Anyone that knows me can attest to that. I had to be done with drinking.

I am.

I really have to thank Mr. D. He’s put up with a lot and hung in with me. I would also like to thank the people who didn’t think I could do it, because I did.

(If you know someone who is struggling with addiction please don’t ignore it. I have decided not to go through a program, I just don’t think it would work for me. There are programs that DO want to help. It isn’t a no win situation, you can make it back. It won’t be easy, but I promise, it will be worth it.)