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Are You There God? It’s Me Stephanie… January 6, 2012

Filed under: I am still learning,Stuff — stepheppichdaily @ 3:47 am
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So I got this e-mail from Kameron’s school this morning.


Christ, what did I forget?  Confirmation for what?  We’ve been over the hefty play schedule.  The phone misplacement disfunk.  The “I can’t wear those new school pants today – they still have tags on them!”  His Spanish Teacher’s husband getting whisked away in an ambulance in the middle of church.

I mean, it’s been quite a week, and it’s Thursday.

I heaved a heavy sigh; what task lies within this email I wondered.  I read.

If your son or daughter is 13 years old before September __, 2012 (I quickly did the math – and he is..) I read on.  He/She is eligible for the Confirmation Program through OLG.  I stopped; Confirmation?  How is it possible that Kameron is old enough for Confirmation?  Then my mind drifted back to the 5100 block of Norwaldo Avenue.

Confirmation as I recall was not a happy thing for me.  Confirmation to me makes me remember fights.  Threats from my mother to be sent to public school if I didn’t get confirmed.   The questioning of my faith, even then as a teenager, but knowing I wouldn’t trade the familiarity of my Catholic School or my friends for this one hour debacle.  Besides, there was no way I’d make it a week at Broad Ripple HS – even back then.  So I’d do the damn thing and that would be that.

Then there was the dress.  Oh, I remember that dress.  It was one of those dresses that I look back now and wished that I would have been able to keep.  It was in one of “those” stores.  I can’t remember the name of the store, but it was one of those stores that people “south of the swamp” didn’t typically go into, because frankly we had no money.  I remember seeing that dress and begging my mom – on my hands and knees – to please let me have it for my upcoming, very important, Catholic,  Confirmation

Long story short, I got the dress, I got confirmed, there was a party, I got some cash, some crosses, and that was it.  I didn’t feel like I was closer to God, I didn’t feel anything really… I take that back, I felt relief that I was not heading to BRHS or IPS.

Fast forward 25 years, and my own opinionated child later.

I picked Kameron up from school after his initial play practice.  (He’s going to be in Cinderella in March.)  (Even though “it stinks because he’s in sixth grade and can’t try out for a REAL part.”)  He got in the car, we went over how his day was, what kind of homework we were facing for the evening, and the most important question “what are we having for dinner?”  Chicken Enchiladas was the call, he seemed pretty happy about that.

Driving on the back roads to our house gives me and Kameron time to talk, unless he’s not in the mood – which happens.  We’ve talked about a lot of stuff on those back roads.  Confirmation was the topic for today.

I told him I got an email from school (which always gets his attention – hahaha.)  I told him it was about Confirmation and asked if his teachers had brought it up in class.  He said that they did, and that he had to be 13 to participate.  “Will I be mom?”  “Yes” I said.  Then it went quiet.

Until we came to our first of a few stop signs.  As I turned left he asked “are you Confirmed Mom?”  I didn’t look and said “yes.”  The next stop sign came, and he asked “what does it mean, Confirmation, I mean, Mom?”  I looked both ways, and thought, I’m going to have to be very careful the way I answer this.  I said “Confirmation is like a promise to God bud.  A promise that you’ll always pray, and that you’ll always do things the way you think God would want you to do them, to go to church, and to always treat people with kindness and respect.”

Hey – that’s a pretty damn good answer.

At the next stop sign he asked “why don’t we go to church anymore Mom?”

Instant lump in my throat;  I looked at him, but for some reason, the way he looked at me, I knew he wasn’t going to give me a pass on this one.

Trying not to cry, I gave him the most honest answer I could.  I said (very calmly)  “I don’t go to church anymore bud because when Pop died, mommy didn’t want to go to church anymore.”   He looked down, and then looked back out the window.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“Kameron?”  He looked at me.  “Would you like to go to church sometime with me bud?”  “Yes” he said.

I promised him I would, and that I would try just for him, because it was important to him.  He said “thanks Mom” as we pulled into the driveway and he got out of the car.

Looking at him going into the house, I put my head on the steering wheel and thought “kid, you have no idea.”

So, are you there God?  It’s me.  I haven’t been around for awhile.  Frankly God, I’m pretty pissed at you, and you know why.  The thing is that I have this little boy that thinks I know everything.  (Eyes Roll)  So I’m doing this for him right now, and maybe a little bit for me.  Don’t get too excited.  We’ll see how it goes,  I’m not making any promises.  Deal?


20 Responses to “Are You There God? It’s Me Stephanie…”

  1. Amy Says:

    Thanks for putting yourself out there, Stephanie. In this post and for Kameron.

  2. Emily Says:

    Dang you, Stephanie! (I won’t cuss, seeing this is about God and all)- you made me cry this morning. My kids aren’t that age yet- but I can definitely relate. As Ashley gets almost to First Communion age- I’m wondering some of the same things. I also grew up very Catholic- with all the milestones and the Grandma Guilt for not having my wedding in The Church. I may not believe everything the Catholic Church does- but the familiarity of the mass, the role of the priests, nuns. . .it gave it process, value and tradition to me. I don’t regularly go to Church, I seem to be a Bi-Annual believer- but I do want to make the effort to have my kids know their God. I get choked up when I go to mass- because I feel a closeness that I miss from my childhood. Why am I rambling on? . . .these are my confessions, I guess.
    Just wanted to say, I feel you on this one. Good on ya.

    • Well, I didn’t mean to make you cry, although I cried plenty writing this myself. I agree with the familiarity of the mass, you could not go for 6 months or 2 1/2 years like me, and not miss a beat. Although I’ve heard they’ve changed some of the words?

      Mr. D and I always went to church with the kids. When my Dad passed away something in me changed and I just wasn’t able to go. Like I said, I’m going to try, for Kameron.

  3. Kelly Says:

    Well said. Kameron is a smart kid, that’s for sure. If you ever want a church going buddy…you’re more than welcome to come with me. I’d also love to experience a catholic church sometime.

  4. Perhaps one of the most profound revelations about life is it’s never too late to do the right thing.

    If returning to your faith and sharing it with you son is the right thing to do, it will ALWAYS be the right thing to do. Maybe you’re not ready to go this Sunday, and maybe not for a month or longer. But when you do go, it will be right. And you’ll feel good about doing the right thing.

  5. Wow. This post packed a serious punch. I’m proud of you Favreita. Since its your blog and you brought up the subject, I’ll feel comfortable speaking about faith online. Good for you. God is always going to be there for you, and you know I support you 110%. Lil man is a good kid, wise beyond his years. One day when he gets older and he sees this and realizes what his Momma did for him…the kid is going to have some amazing perspective on his roots and more importantly — his Momma. You know me Favreita, I love me an open and honest post. And I want you to know this: you made my faith +1 stronger today by posting this and by doing this for your son.

  6. Erik Deckers Says:

    I shouldn’t have read this while Tom Waits was playing on my earphones. Now I’m all misty.

    I’m proud of you. You’re a good mom.

  7. As I told you before, I don’t have much more to add to these lovely comments below other than…Bravo, momma, bravo.

  8. LainaTurner Says:

    Great post. I feel the exact same way.

  9. Good words, my friend, good words. Your answer to Kameron was a good one, and maybe it’s God’s way of speaking to YOU.

    Confirmation was fun for me- I loved reading about the Saints and, of course, picked a martyr who was burned at the stake, because how can you not??

    You’re a good mom, Stephanie!

  10. pamelareilly Says:

    Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing. I can definitely relate. Trusting God is tough, but is always worth it. I will be praying for you as you and He work out your differences. 🙂

  11. […] I wrote a post last year titled: Are You There God, It’s Me Stephanie […]

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